“Do we merely assume we are taking good care of ourselves? It’s perhaps a good idea to list all the ways we think this is true. Do we get enough exercise? What is enough, anyway? Are we eating the right foods and enough of them? How about rest? Do we take naps when needed, as well as get a good night’s sleep? What about laughter? Some would say there’s no better elixir than a good laugh. Of course, we have to be willing to laugh at ourselves, on occasion, to make the most of it.

Taking good care of ourselves is much more in our control than we might have imagined. While it’s true that some of us need a devoted caregiver because of our infirmities, we are able to laugh at will and to eat what’s good for us. We are also very much in control of how we feel about the circumstances of our lives. Whether we think we have it good or bad has a great deal to do with the details of each day.

The best thing I can do for me today is smile at my life, my friends, my remaining dreams. I can show I care.” 

– Karen Casey, Keepers of the Wisdom

My husband forwarded this quote to me last week, and I appreciated its message, because it encouraged me to reflect on the difference between taking care of and taking responsibility for ourselves.  I think many people use the concepts interchangeably, but in practice, some very important distinctions are borne out.

What’s the difference?

Caring for oneself is an act of nurturing, perhaps no different than what you might do or advise for a loved one.  It can mean something as simple as taking that 20 minute walk with your dog or sitting in a quiet place with a book and cup of tea.  It might mean going to sleep earlier, taking a “mental health day” or choosing to eat more nourishing foods.  It may also include getting healing work such as Reiki or a massage.  For some people, taking five to ten minutes to sit in reflection and prayer is a way to reconnect with the source of Divine wisdom and love. 

Caring for oneself fosters self-love.  By making the effort to engage in practices that are comforting and sustaining on a physical, emotional or spiritual level, you are validating your worth as someone who deserves to be treated with consideration for your basic needs.  It is a practice that encourages mindfulness with regard to what your body, mind and spirit needs in order to remain balanced, grounded and function optimally.

Taking responsibility for oneself is a much more complex process.  It requires a deep, honest look at yourself and choosing consciously to recalibrate your responses to stress or certain emotional triggers.  The goal is to ultimately obtain greater control, peace and stability over the circumstances of your life. 

There is a difference between feeling as if you are going through a stressful, though manageable, time in your life and feeling as if everything is careening out of control.  The former state should encourage you to seek out care-giving moments to alleviate some of the stress and keep your life in its proper perspective.  The latter state is a warning sign to stop, step back and take stock of the ways you may be subconsciously contributing to the suffering you’re experiencing. 

We are already “good people”

Making the decision to take responsibility is a lifetime commitment.  It is about taking control of our thought processes and our emotional responses and setting the intention to see through them to the essence of who we are and what motivates us.  Taking responsibility encourages us to let go of self-destructive patterns of behavior by setting healthier habits and practices.  It inspires us to stop feeling and acting like a victim in our relationships with others.  This is not an easy process by any means.  It requires courage to sit with the aspects of our nature that make us feel uneasy or vulnerable and learn to understand their origins.  It requires honesty and a measure of self-acceptance to look deep within and say, “I am all these things and I am also a good person.” This is your Divine nature expressing Itself.  Only then can you begin to feel like you can manage the circumstances of your life and engage in behaviors that lead to positive benefits. 

The practice of gratitude

The secret to both caring of and taking responsibility for yourself is developing the ability to see the good aspects of every situation – even the unwanted, stressful and painful ones.  This is a practice that can help keep you grounded and positive even in the face of challenges. 

Earlier this year, I was put in the position of having to re-evaluate the tendency I had to respond in a negative way to different stressors coming at me.  It wasn’t necessarily that I believed all these stressors were negative (after all, you can have good stress too) but my way of framing and containing them was to express myself by kvetching about it.  “Kvetching” is a Yiddish phrase for complaining or griping.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it had become a habitual way of dealing with my life circumstances.  The perception from several people was that I seemed unhappy, which I fundamentally am not.  So, I did some soul-searching and realized that a good counter-balance would be to practice expressing gratitude on a daily basis.  It could be gratitude for something small someone did for me, or it could be meditative, prayerful gratitude for all of the wonderful things I have, the people in my life and the challenges I face from time to time that allow me to grow emotionally and spiritually.  I’ve been doing some work getting in touch with my spirit guides/guardian angels and that has also helped develop my gratitude practice, because the more I work with them, the more aware I am of their presence and influence.  Reiki also has an important place in this process because it is fundamentally a practice that embraces gratitude in its basic ideals*.  I do Reiki on myself daily and participate in monthly Reiki circles to receive healing energy from other practitioners. 

Life still has its moments, but I’ve noticed that since I’ve made the change to express gratitude that I’ve been able to find solutions for problems more easily, see the bigger picture – and also take greater responsibility for the things going on in my life that are within my control.  Learning to let go of what’s out of my control is one of the ways I’m learning to take care of myself too. 

Reiki as a tool for life transformation

Reiki works on the emotional aspects of our energetic bodies to release blockages that make it difficult for us to let go of pain, trauma and ingrained responses to those “triggers.” It is excellent for promoting mental clarity and physical relaxation.  People often feel that they can focus more clearly after receiving a Reiki treatment and that they are less burdened by whatever issues they’re facing.  They feel inspired to make small changes – even temporary ones – that allow them to nurture their bodies and souls, which helps facilitate greater change in their lives as a whole.  When I work with my clients, I encourage different types of supportive practices, based on individual needs, to supplement process.   Every little thing that we can do for ourselves leads to deeper healing and sparks a transformation that will manifest the greatness that lies within each of us.

 
*The Five Reiki Ideals, as developed by Dr. Mikao Usui, the founder of Reiki:

The secret of inviting happiness
The miraculous medicine of all diseases
Just for today, do not anger
Do not worry and be filled with gratitude
Devote yourself to your work and be kind to people